We usually start New Year’s resolutions with confidence—move more, sleep better, eat smarter.

But quietly, apps, influencers, and algorithms are nudging you in other directions.

Your phone pings—you tap. Before you know it, you’ve ordered delivery on a tempting deal and skipped the dinner you’d planned—and the workout too.

Subtle as they seem, these nudges shape your day, your choices, your intentions.

That’s influence at work.

Here’s the twist: the same psychology that allows others to influence us can be turned inward—to guide our own behavior for good.

Behavioral researchers consistently point to three especially powerful levers: identity, language, and emotion. Learn to use them deliberately, and habit change stops feeling like a test of willpower and starts to feel more like a shift in who you are.

Identity—Become the Person Who Does It

A runner laces up before sunrise for a run. She isn’t focused on calories—it’s just what she does. Her identity drives her habits more than any motivational poster ever could.

Identity drives behavior. Marketers know this well—they don’t just sell sneakers; they sell the you who crosses the finish line in them. We follow the identities we believe we belong to.

First, reframe your identity.

Framing change around who you want to be, not what you need to do, is more motivating, Terri Bacow, a clinical psychologist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy, told The Epoch Times in an email.

Goals like “lose 10 pounds” are fleeting, but values like “being healthy” or “continuously growing” keep guiding behavior long after motivation fades.

Identity reframing also makes new habits feel easier. A 10-minute walk isn’t “exercise”—it’s what you do when you care about your health. Turning off notifications at the end of the work day is part of protecting your mind, not a test of willpower.

Second, believe it and model it.

“Think of yourself as the ‘type of person’ who can achieve the goal you’re setting out to accomplish,” clinical psychologist Lauren O’Flaherty, a cognitive behavioral therapy expert, told The Epoch Times in an email.

One trick she recommends is borrowing habits from someone who already does it to make the identity more tangible. Picture a person you admire and ask yourself, “What would they do in this moment?” Let that guide your next step.

Try this:

Shift from thinking “I need to exercise three times a week,” to “I’m becoming someone who cares for my body and health.”

Or switch from “I need to stop doom-scrolling,” to “I’m becoming someone who gives my mind more room to rest,” when telling yourself to put down the phone.

Use natural reset moments to start a new identity.

You don’t need to wait for Jan. 1, said Hengchen Dai, co-director of the UCLA Nudge Unit. Her research has shown that Mondays, birthdays, or new semesters create psychological “fresh starts” that push you to pursue new goals.

“These moments help people mentally separate from past imperfections and see themselves as someone who is now more capable of change,” Dai, a behavioral scientist, told The Epoch Times in an email.

Reinforce it in your environment.

Set up your surroundings to support who you’re becoming—walking shoes by the door, water by the coffee maker. Small cues like these act as confirmation.

Language—Talk to Yourself Like a Life Coach

Imagine a coach who never says “You must do this” but instead asks, “What matters most today—energy, sleep, stress?” Suddenly, clarity replaces pressure, and the first small step feels possible. That’s the power of questions—and self-talk works the same way.

Questions get us to act more than commands do.

Campaigns and coaches rely on them because questions don’t just collect information; they nudge you toward a choice.

First, use curiosity instead of pressure.

People respond better to curious questions than with self-criticism or force, Bacow said. This approach mirrors motivational interviewing, a counseling style that uses open questions to help people find their own reasons for change. Questions spark clarity—and clarity fuels action.

Second, choose language that reinforces agency.

The words you use also shape how new habits feel.

Bacow advises avoiding “should” and “must,” which trigger resistance, and instead using agency-based phrasing like “I choose to,” “I want to,” or “I’m learning to.” Change sticks better when it feels more like a decision, not an obligation.

Third, be honest and flexible.

For self-talk to work, it has to be honest, O’Flaherty said. That means being honest about why you want the change and why part of you resists it.

Dai notes that flexible wording prevents all-or-nothing thinking. People do better when goals include a built-in cushion—aiming for seven workouts this week, with one or two “emergency skips.” Missing a day doesn’t mean you failed; you’re still on track.

Try This

Start with these three quick questions before your next action:

1. How important is this change to me?


2. How confident am I that I can make it?


3. How ready am I to start?

Your answers reveal what’s missing—clarity, confidence, or readiness. Then support what’s missing with language that emphasizes choice: instead of “I should walk tonight,” say “I’m choosing to take a walk because it supports my energy.”

You might also try speaking to yourself the way a kind but no-nonsense grandparent would—firm, encouraging, and on your side.

Let other people echo your language.

Share your new script. Telling a friend your weekly goal or joining a supportive group strengthens the language and accountability—adding social pull makes change easier to sustain.

Emotion—Feel Before You Fix

Before starting a new habit, your emotions have likely already taken the wheel. Anxiety, restlessness, fatigue—they can make a simple step feel like you’re climbing a steep cliff. But small, deliberate nudges to your emotional state can tip the scales, priming your body and mind to move.

Marketers have long understood this, that emotions drive behavior: scarcity, FOMO (fear of missing out), and the subtle tug of belonging is what that sells their products. In daily, life feeling comes first, logic follows.

First, treat emotion as information.

Noticing and naming emotions—what researchers call emotional attunement—makes behavior easier to shape and predicts more lasting change across goals

O’Flaherty suggests thinking of emotions as data. “You are feeling a certain emotion because your brain and body are trying to tell you something about a situation—listen while recognizing feelings are information, but not always factual,” she said.

Stress might mean overload. Boredom might signal a need for novelty. Anxiety might mean your first step is too big—not that change is impossible.

Second, shift your state before you act.

Rather than pushing through emotional or mental discomfort, adjust your emotional footing first. Bacow suggests simple tools like supportive self-talk, grounding, breathing, or talking with someone encouraging. “If you can’t encourage yourself,” she says, “ask someone else to do it for you.”

The goal isn’t to fix the feeling, but to shift it into one that supports action.

Try This

Before starting a new habit, prime your emotional state.

• Play music that boosts energy or focus.


• Do a quick stretch to shift your body and mood.


• Use a calming visual cue like lighting a candle.


• Or imagine a hero moment—helping someone, finishing a project—and let that feeling carry you.

When breaking an unwanted habit: pause for 30–60 seconds, exhale slowly while pressing your feet to the floor. Tiny resets interrupt autopilot behaviors like mindless scrolling or impulsive snacking.

Expect setbacks—and reset quickly.

Setbacks are part of the process. Dai advised treating them as resets, not failures. Recommit at the start of a day or week to detach from the lapse and refocus forward.

Pair emotion with reward.

Tiny, immediate rewards—a favorite tea, a podcast saved for that routine, a mental “nice work”—teach your brain that this new behavior feels good, making it easier to repeat.

Putting It All Together

Influence is everywhere—ads, feeds, and friends. But you can borrow the same mechanics for your own growth.

Tie it all together with habit stacking—linking your new action to something you already do. The cue should be obvious, Bacow explained. “Once I respond to 2–3 work emails, I will respond to 1 personal email.”

Your six-step influence loop:

1. Anchor Identity: Who are you becoming? Pick one small action.


2. Stack the Habit: Tie it to an existing routine.


3. Frame Language: Ask questions that prompt action; use encouraging words.


4. Set Environment: Add helpful cues.


5. Engage Emotion: Pair action with reward or positive feeling.


6. Loop It Again: Repeat consistently; adjust as needed.

Dai warns that goals that are too vague or too ambitious rarely work. So if the New Year feels overwhelming, don’t push harder. Focus on the next tiny step.

Once you’ve learned to influence yourself, it’s easier to see when something else is trying to do it for you.

“Humans have a force of forward motion that is difficult to escape,” Bacow said. “You may not have to try too hard to make habits stack—especially if you start with small steps—because from there, momentum often builds.”

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We also want to make a placard at the end with these words, please CE :)

Anchor your identity. Stack a tiny habit. Use encouraging language. Cue your environment. Pair it with a reward. Repeat—momentum follows.

Or this one:

Anchor. Stack. Speak kindly. Cue. Reward. Repeat.