Gen Z, the United States’ 14- to 29-year-olds, snags a lot of attention these days, especially in the realm of male–female relationships, romance, and dating—or the lack thereof. It seems Cinderella has exchanged her crown for a degree in women’s studies, the prince has thrown aside his scepter and is playing video games in the basement, and culture critics are playing cop, accusing suspects ranging from extreme feminists to toxic males of having murdered romance.

In short, good news on the dating and relationship front for Gen Z is as tough to find as a sober frat boy on a Saturday night.

And I say enough is enough.

Romance Is a Mystery, Not a Text Message

Louis Armstrong, the great jazz trumpeter of his day, once said, “If you have to ask what jazz is, you’ll never know.”

The same holds for romance. A whole lot of people today—academics, journalists, podcasters—spend time trying to define romance, to cage or tame it with words. Before writing this article, I clicked through online dictionaries looking at definitions of romance, but none was satisfactory. Artificial intelligence came closest: “Romance involves strong emotional intensity, infatuation, and a sense of wonder or mystery toward another person. It appears through courting behaviors, affectionate words, surprise gestures, and intentional efforts to make a partner feel valued and special.”

Definitions don’t work because, like jazz, you don’t define romance; you feel it. These lyrics from “Some Enchanted Evening,” a standout song in the 1949 Broadway musical “South Pacific,” nicely sum up this beautiful conundrum of the heart:

Who can explain it?
Who can tell you why?
Fools give you reasons
Wise men never try

Besides, romance isn’t dead. What’s dead are our 21st-century sensibilities. Many of our cultural gurus, trend-setters, and therapists take a mechanical view of love and romance. They blather on about sex, what makes a good relationship, what to look for in a prospective spouse, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, yet many of these people wouldn’t recognize romance if it hit them in the head with a dozen roses.

Fifty years ago, it was different. No one then raised the question “Is romance dead?” unless they were joking in the aftermath of a bad date, and absolutely no one asked, “What does romance mean?” No one needed a definition. Because once romance—that intensity of emotion, that sense of mystery—had knocked you for a loop, whether in an elementary schoolyard or at a college mixer, you never needed to ask anyone what it was. You just knew.

Why? Because romance is an indefinable state of mind and heart. Back then, you heard music, and you recognized it as jazz. You met someone, you were smitten, pierced by Cupid’s arrow, and you recognized it as love and romance.

And why not? After all, poets, songwriters, bards, and storytellers had extolled this magic and its mysteries for thousands of years. Only the 21st century has thrown a blanket over romance and then wondered why it’s disappeared.

No, my young friends, if it’s romance you’re looking for, it’s time to hop into Mr. Peabody’s Wayback Machine, travel to a day and a place when romance was alive and sparkling, and see what you can learn there.

Welcome to Retro-Rom

I’m told that Gen Z is into retro, vintage clothes from the ‘90s or analog tech instead of digital. If that’s true, then Retro-Romance should be right up your alley. Instead of rummaging through a thrift store for a pair of culottes or using maps instead of GPS, Retro-Rom means immersing yourself in a culture where romance was all around.

So, we’re heading back to the period from 1946 to 1965, give or take a few years, before the winds of the sexual revolution started fooling around with romance, back in those days when local radio announcers called Friday evenings “Date Night Number One.” Via the time machine of the internet, we’re traveling back to the days when music and movies were romances, not dirges or the stuff of cynicism.

Immerse yourself in Retro-Rom, and maybe you’ll rediscover the beauty and mystery the world has lost.

Here are a few basics to get you started.

Music Is the Food of Love

This paraphrase from Shakespeare was a universal truth in mid-century America. Love songs, honey-sweet and easy on the ear, were standard fare then.

Whatever device or service you use—Spotify, YouTube, and so on—if you want to revive romance, start by listening to the love songs from the ’50s and ’60s. You’ll find plenty of playlists. You’ll also find a variety of styles and musicians, from Frank Sinatra to the Beach Boys. Listen to Paul Anka’s “Put Your Head on My Shoulder”; The Four Aces with “Love Is A Many-Splendored Thing”; The Penguins and “Earth Angel"; Elvis Presley’s “Love Me Tender”; “I Love How You Love Me” by the Paris Sisters; and so many more.

Jim Croce’s gentle 1974 hit “I’ll Have to Say I Love You in a Song” is about a man who can’t find the words to say to his beloved, so he uses a song. Play music that celebrates romance and never comes with a question mark, and those songs may spark the flame in you.

Screen School

Romantic movies can do the same. Watch the interaction between Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart in “Casablanca,” which many critics considered one of the greatest screen romances of all time. Learn about the humorous side of romance in “Roman Holiday” with Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck. Watch the near-tragic romance in “An Affair to Remember,” then follow it up with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in the rom-com “Sleepless in Seattle.”

While you’re at it, mix some music with movies by taking in some old Broadway films. There’s not only “South Pacific,” but also other great musical romances that moved from stage to film, such as “West Side Story” and “The Music Man,” that will liven up the heart.

Look online for romantic movies from 50, 60, and 70 years ago, and you’ll find a whole curriculum teaching you the mystique, manners, and ways of romance as it did for your grandparents.

And Now It’s Up to You

Back in those days we’ve just revisited, the guy who wanted to take out the girl had to ask her face-to-face for a date, a dance, or her phone number. The girl then had to say yes or end it right there.

It’s different today. About 15 years ago, a former student, both intelligent and beautiful, met me for coffee after her first year of college. There she told me that numerous guys had asked her out, but never once had they done so face-to-face. It was, she said with a rueful astonishment, always by text.

Romance means working up the courage to ask a girl out in person. It means saying yes or no to that invitation in person. It means stopping the texts and emails and looking into the other’s eyes instead of a screen. It means making an effort, giving flowers to your lady, baking cookies for your guy. Yes, those stereotypes run against today’s cultural grain, but there it is.

Just remember, romance is a state of mind. If you want romance, be romantic. Try thinking of yourself as an actor on a stage. Your basic script is as old as the human race, but the rest is improv. Tame your fear, approach romance with wonder, open your heart, and romance will be yours. Approach love, true love, with a sense of wonder and gratitude, open your heart to possibility, and you’ll find romance.

One last reassurance: I was never Mr. Slick with the chicks. I was shy and bumbling, and remember well the torture of calling a girl for a high school prom date, palms sweating, voice creaking like a rusty hinge. I know firsthand the torment of approaching a stranger in a park or a bar and introducing myself. Stone-cold terror—that’s what it was—but oftentimes, and you can take this to the bank, romance works out. Once it worked so well for me that I ended up with the love of my life, four children, and a tribe of grandchildren.