Relationship coach Zak Roedde teaches men how to unlock their masculine instinct, and women how to become more feminine, so they can operate their relationship in a balanced polarity.

In an interview via Zoom, Roedde sat down with The Epoch Times and shared some of the concepts he teaches couples through his classes, on social media, and in his books.

Roedde said his work is based on his own experience, results from working with hundreds of clients, and theoretical understanding, which he has put into practice to see its universal truths.

He teaches men how to take charge and lead, as well as how to protect a woman’s heart, so they will want to provide financial and emotional support to a woman. He teaches women how to trust, let go of control, have self-worth, be open and vulnerable, use what he calls feminine communication, and inspire a man into wanting to take care of her.

“At the very basic foundation, a man is supposed to be leading and a woman is supposed to be following, so the way that I describe this is like a dance,” Roedde told The Epoch Times. “The woman is following his lead, trusting his lead, receiving his lead like a dance. It’s not like the man is superior in that dance; it’s just a different role. The woman’s not inferior in that dance; it’s just a different role.”

He said the same is true whether you’re dating or in a relationship. He recommends that people follow traditional courting, where the man is the one who initiates and takes the woman out, showing her a good time, making decisions by anticipating what she needs and desires to make her happy.

He said that what can maintain a lot of the attraction and connection for a couple is when a man continues to be chivalrous as a relationship continues and even into marriage, such as by pulling out chairs and opening doors for a woman. He said it can actually be really fun, and it’s a way for a man to show a woman care.

He said when a relationship is in its most polarized dynamic, the man is going to be financially providing for a woman, and most importantly, energetically he is leading, making the decisions, deciding how the household is going to be run; and the woman is following his lead, trusting his lead, and communicating whenever she has a problem in a vulnerable and respectful, feminine way.

“We are instinctually wired to have these roles. A lot of people who are more dissociated from their instinct, and have been conditioned by our culture, especially Western culture, believe that men and women are basically the same other than our genitals being different, and that is not close to the truth,” Roedde said.

He said when a man’s masculine instinct is online, and not covered in wounding, he is wired to want to lead, to provide for a woman, and to protect a woman.

He said a woman does not have this instinct toward a man unless she has a lot of emotional wounding, in which she has really low self-worth and feels good in that leading and caretaking role.

Roedde added that a man will only want to be taken care of in that way by a woman if he has really low self-worth and he hasn’t stepped into manhood.

A married couple on their wedding day. (Helen Billings/The Epoch Times)

He said if you’re interested in living this way, it’s best to find someone who wants this dynamic. In his experience, there are a lot of men and women out there who want this.

Roedde noted that safety for women is important, and learning how to let go of control can be scary, but through unlocking her feminine self and finding self-worth, a woman will ultimately be learning how to get away from situations and from men who are taking advantage of her and are not being inspired by her heart and seeking to protect it.

He said that due to our economic climate, a lot of the time, women have to work, or they just really want to work. But even if a woman is choosing to work, he believes the man should ideally be able to be the sole provider or work toward that, so that if they choose to have children, the couple will not be dependent on income from the woman.

He said the man needs to recognize how important it is for him to work toward being the sole provider and that there’s always a way. Especially in the Western world, there are many opportunities, he said.

According to Roedde, working tends to masculinize a woman over time, which can cause relationship issues, but the biggest problem with a woman working isn’t that she’s working; it’s that she is responsible for working, and that can be a huge energetic drain, he said.

He said if a woman still chooses to work, it’s best if the couple is not dependent on her income, and that ideally, she should do a job that is not masculine.

For Roedde, he said there was a point in his relationship where his wife was still working, but through taking charge and focusing on working toward being the sole provider, he was able to make that happen. He said that when his wife was pregnant and was feeling sick, it was great to be able to tell her that she didn’t have to work anymore.

He said the career opportunities that come along might not be from the traditional system, and his situation as a relationship coach is one such example. He said he started posting on Facebook, which led to him getting more and more clients, which built his business to the point where he can be the sole provider.

He said finding your true passion and purpose in the world is what will allow a man to be the sole provider.

Roedde said the money he gives to his wife is for her to spend on whatever she wants.

“It feels much better for her to just have the freedom to know she can spend this on whatever and it’s not taking away from the family,” he said.

He said it can be difficult for a woman to relinquish that financial control, especially if the woman is used to making her own money or if she is the breadwinner. He said it requires a lot of trust.

He added that a woman should never give up control of finances before marriage, and it should only be done when a man has demonstrated how competent, devoted, and capable he really is with finances.

Men do many things that cause a woman to feel anxious, he said, and it’s really important for a woman to learn how to communicate what’s coming up for her.

In Roedde’s book “Irresistibly Feminine,” he explains what he calls feminine communication, which is where the woman communicates her needs to her man without expecting an outcome. He said this type of communication will spark her man’s desire to be devoted and to seek to fulfill her needs.

He said it doesn’t mean a woman says nothing when her man’s leadership doesn’t make her feel good. She should speak up. He said she can do that by expressing a problem.

He used the example of buying furniture. He said a woman can express herself by saying, “That chair looks ugly.” She can also express herself vulnerably, saying, “I feel bad about getting this chair.” Another option is to ask for permission, saying, “Can we get this chair instead?”

If that changes her man’s decision, that’s great, but if it doesn’t, she should still let him make the decision, he said. If she feels the need to express herself after the decisions have been made, she should express how it made her feel. Then she can see if her man adjusts his behavior in the future.

Roedde said in his book that a woman can also express her deepest needs using this type of communication. By expressing an unfilled need, she gives her man a chance to lead with the solution.

He recommends saying “I need a hug” instead of “I need you to hug me”; “I need to be alone” instead of “I need you to leave me alone”; “I need to spend more time with you” instead of “I need you to spend more time with me”; and “I need to feel safe” instead of “I need you to stop making me feel insecure.”

He said this type of communication offers a man a chance to fulfill her need with his leadership, as it is asking in a way that is not directing an outcome.

In his book, Roedde said there is a situation where boundaries need to be enforced. When a man can’t take responsibility for his leadership, then he’s devoted to his ego rather than his woman. He said this type of irresponsible man can’t be trusted, and a woman should never fully submit to this type of man. She will need to learn to say no, because she is the only one in the relationship responsible for her heart.

Zak Roedde. (Courtesy of Zak Roedde)

Years before becoming a relationship coach, Roedde said, he was living life as what he calls a Peter Pan boy, where he did not feel any desire to take care of a woman, including his wife. He said he would take care of himself, and she would take care of herself.

He said it was kind of like a roommate situation, but rather than being all fun and great conversations, it actually created a lot of issues in his relationship.

He said what shifted their lives in a very profound way was when their son was born with brain damage and a genetic condition.

“What I call my masculine instinct fully woke up immediately, where all of a sudden I wanted to take care of someone who wasn’t me and whose needs mattered profoundly to me,” he said. “And it didn’t just affect how I felt about [my son]; it also affected how I felt about my wife, where I wanted to also take care of her.”

He realized that the reason he and his wife were having relationship issues was that he wasn’t leading and taking care of her.

At first, he didn’t know how to lead her without getting irritated or upset and using forceful energy, he said.

It became Roedde’s quest and passion to learn as much as he could about masculine and feminine energy.

“I had to learn how to lead her out of her fear and control patterns with love, and she had to learn how to let go and trust me,” he said. “That’s what shifted everything!”

In Roedde’s book, he shared how his son unexpectedly died at just 6 months old, despite him and his wife doing everything they could to give him the best chance at life. In hindsight, he believes the reason his son came into his life was to open his heart and help him fully understand what devotion feels like, and to lead him on a path to learn about masculine and feminine polarity.

He said his son provided the spark to put him fully on his purpose of helping men and women transform their relationships like he transformed his.

His goal is to teach men and women a better way to relate to each other and love each other, and he thinks that’s what his son wanted, too.

He said he teaches men that being single is their fault. However, he said, ultimately men can change their reality right now by learning how to be a man, have boundaries, and stop resisting being devoted, and by leading a woman out of her judgments and out of her leading, and also by anticipating a woman’s needs.

Roedde shared how one of his clients came into his program angry and abusive toward his wife, causing her to be shut down, resistant, and judgmental of his leadership. The client didn’t understand what he needed to do to fix things.

He taught the client how to lead his woman out of resistance, doing it with love.

Roedde said a man’s heart has to be open for this to be done effectively, and he must not be coming from any kind of subjugating, judgmental, or critical kind of place.

Roedde said the man learned how to lead, how to teach his wife feminine communication, and how to teach her to be fully open and vulnerable with him and share her anxiety.

He said the couple was on the brink of divorce, and this was their last chance. Through his course, they completely turned everything around and now love each other again.

He can be found at relationshipofyourdreams.com and on YouTube. He also has a Facebook group where people gather to learn about polarity. He has written five books, which can be found on Amazon.