Sarah Borsheim was becoming increasingly frustrated with online dating when an old high school acquaintance, Guillermo Bunze—who was looking for a new church—reached out to her on social media.

Within days, he joined her at church, which was followed by a long day together that revealed how much they had in common. Weeks later, Borsheim realized that Bunze had become her “go-to” person—and then, over a dinner, romance struck.

“All of a sudden, we could see each other in a different light,” Borsheim told The Epoch Times. “Both of us were nervous that maybe the other person still had us in the friend zone.”

The couple’s experience points to a truth about modern dating that algorithms still can’t crack: Chemistry requires physical proximity. Rather than rushing out to create a dating profile ahead of Valentine’s Day, evidence shows that greater success and satisfaction come from a tried-and-true approach: in-person dating.

In an era when more than half of singles younger than 30 use dating apps, evidence suggests that a digital approach to romance may be fundamentally flawed because it can’t predict what happens when two people are finally face to face.

Sparks Ignite Chemistry

Sparks are signals of interest—the starting point for any relationship, according to Joan Nwosu, a life coach and author who specializes in dating.

“It’s the lowest level of attraction,” she told The Epoch Times. “It is what gets people interested.”

You can feel sparks of various kinds when meeting someone online or in person. Some examples of sparks include sexual, romantic, cultural, intellectual, and compassionate sparks, according to a research article published in Perspectives on Psychological Science. Nwosu noted that online sparks can be premature.

Even well-meaning online daters subconsciously embellish their profiles to reflect the most hopeful version of themselves so that they can attract the kind of person they want to date. Sparks formed in person offer more information, she said, including the type of energy, confidence, and humor a person has, as well as how safe he or she makes you feel.

What many daters are looking for goes beyond sparks—they want chemistry. Chemistry, according to the authors of the article, requires interaction between two or more people to produce an outcome neither could accomplish alone, implying an in-person experience.

“This may be one reason why online daters have difficulty predicting from reading an online profile whether a sense of chemistry will develop,“ they wrote. ”The emergent nature of chemistry may also help explain why there is yet no scientifically acceptable evidence for the effectiveness of matching algorithms promoted by some online dating services.”

The authors also described chemistry’s emergent nature as something like a quarterback’s pass thrown to the exact spot where a receiver’s path will intersect with the ball.

Besides being emergent, chemistry has three other attributes, according to the researchers: It’s special to one specific partner and can’t be replicated with anyone else; it includes nonverbal elements such as body language, eye contact, and synchronous movement; and it’s distinct from other high-quality relationships, including intense physical attraction or bonds with family and friends.

Chemistry creates what observers describe as a “magnetic” connection—something potentially observable through traits such as charisma, authenticity, and conversational flow, the article states.

Avoiding the ‘Tipping Point’

Online daters, who report lower relationship satisfaction and love, can improve their odds by quickly scheduling an in-person meeting.

One who delays offline dating with an online interest can cross what authors of a study in the Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication called the “tipping point,” after which he or she finds it difficult to reconcile discrepancies between the real person and the partner he or she had envisioned.

“The tipping point likely represents the development of hyperpersonal or idealized impressions that predispose online daters to experience expectancy violations and uncertainty upon their first meeting,” the authors wrote. In other words, face-to-face encounters tend to be more disappointing the longer idealized impressions take up headspace.

Borsheim experienced this firsthand. When she tried online dating, she left it up to the men to decide when they'd meet in person. In one case, a month of texting proved to be too long, and the relationship fizzled by the third month.

“We were super well-connected online, chatting over texts,” she said. “In person, it took a little while, and we weren’t able to fully interact great.”

Curated Experiences: A Better Alternative

Some singles are moving away from apps toward curated, in-person events. Inspired by her own negative dating experiences and a call from God to create opportunities for singles, Kristy Sims launched The Table Collective, hosting vintage dinners with live music in a historic mansion for Christian singles in her community.

“I want to have something where we’re stepping back in time, when there was a different way of dating, men actually would approach a woman, men would court her,” Sims told The Epoch Times.

Her events include mingling over hors d'oeuvres, a sit-down dinner, question-and-answer prompts at each table, and participants who repeatedly tell her that they don’t want the evening to end. Before they leave, each person fills out a paper, checking boxes under the photos of the members of the opposite sex they felt a spark with—much like old-fashioned “Will you go out with me?” letters passed in school. The difference is that Sims is the only one who sees the answers, and only mutual matches will be revealed.

So far, it’s working. The approach has yielded a 93 percent mutual match rate at the first event, with about a 70 percent rate at subsequent dinners.

“In five minutes, the mansion is so alive, people erupting in laughter, having so much fun,” Sims said. “It is the coolest thing to witness, and most of it is organic.”

Nwosu supports the curated events model over both online dating and speed dating, which she said create a desperate “pick me” energy. Events organized around common interests such as hiking and book clubs allow people to feel more authentic and relaxed, making it easier to notice others and ask meaningful questions.

In-Person Meet-Ups Boost Confidence

A side effect of hosting singles events is watching many who haven’t dated in years—30 years for some—socially transform, according to Sims. She’s heard from participants that they are having more organic encounters in their daily lives.

“They present in the world differently,“ she said. ”They’re open, and they’re like: ‘I can do this. I am worthy. I feel confident.’”

Much of Nwosu’s work involves preparing people to date. She’s noticed that many daters copy the behavior of others, hoping that their strategies will also work for them. Instead, she helps clients learn about their true natures, which in turn allows them to attract the type of person they actually want to date.

Nwosu finds herself undoing social conditioning that has, for instance, taught women that men want someone who is quiet, gentle, happy all the time, and feminine.

“Then three months later, you can’t keep quiet, and the man’s wondering, ‘Who is this crazy woman?’” she said.

Although newfound confidence and authenticity can improve online dating experiences, she still warns against using these platforms for most people. There’s a tendency, she said, for women especially to try to force their idealized impressions of a partner into reality, which works about as well as Cinderella’s stepsisters fitting into her slipper.

Keeping Chemistry Alive

In-person dating doesn’t just facilitate chemistry—it enables the kind of extended, authentic conversation necessary to assess long-term compatibility.

Discussing long-term goals and dreams is an important element of dating, one that too often focuses on chemistry and compatibility but that leaves out what Nwosu calls conscious alignment—two people who want to grow in the same direction together.

“More and more relationships are falling apart because people are waking up after 20 years, realizing it is not working,“ she said. ”When you ask them why, it’s always the same thing—our lives are going in different directions. I really want to help solve this for the next generation.”