In a Pew Research poll, nearly seven in 10 parents admitted they get distracted by their phones while with their kids at least some of the time. According to a study, teens notice their parents’ split attention—a distraction that may shape how adolescents bond with their parents and lead to anxious or avoidant attachment styles that can follow them into adulthood.

The study, published in Frontiers in Psychology, explored whether a parent’s device use was linked to their teen’s attachment style. Children who are securely attached feel that their parents are consistently emotionally available to them. Children who are insecurely attached do not.

Teens who reported greater interference from a caregiver’s device use were more likely to report anxious and avoidant attachment styles. People with anxious attachment often worry about rejection and seek frequent reassurance from others, while those with avoidant attachment tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness and may keep others at a distance. 

The Cost of Phone Distraction on Child Attachment

Children learn what relationships are supposed to look like from their earliest interactions with parents.

Attachment theory suggests that children develop a sense of security when parents are consistently available and responsive to their needs. When parents are frequently distracted by their devices, teens may perceive them as less emotionally available. Over time, repeated experiences of feeling ignored, unheard, or unimportant may shape how teens view relationships and contribute to insecure attachment patterns.

Parents may not realize how their children experience their phone use. In his two decades of work with families, Don Grant, a media psychologist, addiction counselor, and first author of the study, told The Epoch Times that it is common for parents to believe they are being attentive, only to learn that their children feel overlooked.

“Attachment is completely developed by the kid,” Grant said. “It’s the kid’s perception and perspective of the parent’s behavior and the parent’s attention and response and consistency of response to their bids for attention and needs.”

The findings do not necessarily mean the effects of parental phone use begin during adolescence, Tom Kersting, a licensed psychotherapist, family counselor, and author of “Raising Healthy Teenagers,” told The Epoch Times.

“More than likely, the parent’s device behavior began when the teen was younger, which is critical for the parent-child bond,” Kersting said. “In other words, they recognize the detachment when they are mature enough to be able to see it.”

A ‘New Form of Neglect’

While adolescence marks a period of increasing independence and autonomy, teens still rely on their parents for guidance, reassurance, and support, and parent-child attachment remains crucial to healthy development. Many factors can influence attachment security, including parental neglect, substance abuse, mental health challenges, chronic conflict, workaholism, and physical abuse.

More recently, researchers have begun examining whether technology-related distractions may also interfere with the responsiveness and emotional availability children need to feel secure.

Researchers use the terms “technoference” (technological interference) and “phubbing” (phone snubbing) to describe situations where device use interrupts conversations and other forms of connection, and some researchers have gone as far as calling parental phubbing a “new form of social neglect.”

A 2020 study found that parental phubbing was associated with their child’s unhealthy use of cell phones, while other studies have linked phubbing to low life satisfaction among adolescents.

One study of parent-child play found that distractions, whether from a screen or paper, made parents less responsive to their children’s cues and communication attempts. Children, in turn, became less socially engaged, with less interaction.

The researchers said that even very young children can tell when a parent is distracted. In response, they may withdraw from the interaction, showing less attention, less positive emotion, and fewer attempts to communicate.

A 2023 review of 13 studies found that teens who perceived their parents as frequently distracted by their phones reported poorer mental health. They may feel less seen, heard, and supported.

The Lasting Effects of Insecure Attachment

Insecure attachment can affect far more than a child’s relationship with their parents. In one study of nearly 1,700 children, those who perceived their parents as emotionally neglectful at age 11 were more likely to have psychiatric disorders by age 15.

This attachment style has also been linked to higher rates of anxiety, depression, and other emotional difficulties. One possible explanation is that insecure attachment may shape negative expectations about relationships, making someone more likely to perceive threats, struggle with emotional regulation, and have difficulty turning to others for support.

Attachment is often discussed in the context of early childhood, when many of the foundations for secure and insecure attachment are established. However, researchers generally view attachment as relatively fluid—not fixed. Positive and negative experiences can continue to shape attachment throughout adolescence and adulthood.

“Circumstances, situations and life events can change a secure attachment into an insecure one, even as a teenager,” Grant said. “It can also go the other way.”

That means parents should not assume that a strong bond built during childhood will automatically remain intact. Just as repeated experiences of responsiveness can strengthen attachment, repeated experiences of emotional unavailability may gradually weaken it.

Millennial Parents Beware

While Grant hopes all parents become more aware of how device use affects family relationships, he believes millennials may be particularly important to reach.

As the first “digital native” generation, millennials grew up during the rapid expansion of the internet, smartphones, and social media. As a result, many have spent much of their lives connected to digital devices and may be more vulnerable to habitual phone use.

Many millennial parents may not realize how often they divide their attention between their children and their devices, Grant said. Now that many are raising children of their own, he hopes these findings encourage more mindful device use.

Create Phone-Free Moments

Attachment can strengthen just as it can weaken. Consistent responsiveness, attention, and emotional availability can help rebuild and maintain secure relationships over time.

Parents can start by noticing patterns in their own behavior: Are they frequently checking notifications during conversations, picking up their phones during moments of boredom or silence, or only half-listening when their child is trying to share something?

Creating phone-free moments—such as during meals, car rides, or bedtime conversations—can help parents be more fully present and strengthen everyday connection.

Grant suggests a few healthy device management habits:

• Have boundaries around device use, especially for parents who work from home.

• Create phone-free times during meals, family activities, and car rides.

• Limit unnecessary phone interruptions during time spent with your child.

Completely avoiding devices is unrealistic, Grant said. Many parents work from home, rely on smartphones for work-related communication, or juggle multiple responsibilities throughout the day.

Children do not necessarily expect constant attention. They simply want to know their parents see and hear them, he said.

“If they put out a bid for attention or for a need to be met, just acknowledge them. Let them know you see them. You hear them. They’re valued,” Grant said, adding that if stopping isn’t possible, let them know that you'll respond to them once you’re able to, and then follow through.

Most importantly, Grant encourages parents to talk openly with their children about how their device use affects them. He suggests asking children directly whether a parent’s phone use has ever made them feel ignored, unheard, or unimportant. Parents can then work together with their children to develop healthier device habits and give them permission to speak up when devices become a distraction.

Attentive engagement can be as simple as putting the phone away during important conversations, making eye contact, asking follow-up questions, and showing genuine interest in a child’s thoughts and experiences. Technology can also become a tool for connection when parents and teens share content, discuss online experiences, or explore interests together.

The goal is simple honesty with children, Grant said. “I didn’t know, but now I do. And I’m going to improve those behaviors.”